Photo cred: Cam
Sometimes… it feels like enjoying your favorite ice cream after dinner at your favorite restaurant, and sometimes it feels like the ice cream unceremoniously toppling over off the cone and onto your lap in the car… Why did you get in the car with an ice cream cone that was prone to be a mess? Great question… Maybe it was too hot outside or maybe you wanted to get home in time to catch Wheel of Fortune, but either way, what should have been an awesome end to your night all of a sudden turned into a sticky, frustrating mess.
This morning, I got up and was sure it was gonna be a great day. I made some bomb breakfast burritos, I was getting ready with plenty of time to get to where I was going in time, and all of a sudden, the blog post I was trying to post wouldn’t work… HTTP Errors, you know? I hope you don’t. & then… I just wanted to print something. That’s all… But… the poor wifi can’t see my printer and the mouse on the desktop isn’t working because why would it? Because… you know? So, the next thing I know, I’m contemplating whether I need anger management classes due to my frustration with technology, and my poor husband is watching me sob as I carefully count out my Juice Plus supplements. I think I may have actually stomped my feet a few times, too. You’ll have to ask him.
10 minutes later, we’re in the car and I’m nearly yelling about how I can’t find my house key, which has apparently been on my key ring with my car FOB the whole time… The FOB I carry with me everywhere. The house key I couldn’t find… was. Right. There. Who does that?
&& 10 minutes after that, we are halfway to our destination and I’m pulling myself together. I was on my way to a conference with a bunch of other wedding professionals… I probably couldn’t walk in crying about how I have zero observational skills and my printer doesn’t work… That’s not okay.
However, what is okay, is realizing that I’m not actually crazy.
Running your own business that is your baby, that you’re passionate about, that you LOVE, that keeps a roof over your head, that makes you feel fulfilled, that makes you feel awesome… it’s messy.
It is so so so easy to get caught up into what it looks like everybody else is doing and to feel inferior… I rarely close Instagram or Facebook truly feeling GOOD. I go on there to post something and the next thing I know, it’s down the rabbit hole of scrolling, WHICH, sometimes is really great and inspirational, and sooometimes, makes me feel totally inadequate. But the thing is is that… I AM confident in myself and Matt and this business and this gift of photography we have and we get to give; I truly am. However… it turns out I’m also human with all sorts of insecurities that I can’t really control and that I have to work hard to get over.
Just a month ago, I started blogging and said we’d be doing so weekly on Wednesdays. I’ve started and stopped blogging a handful of times in my short life, and this time, I wasn’t going to screw it up. So, while the plan was to be blogging photography, I know I want to write about business stuff, too, so, I guess this ends up being the first one of those.
I’m not sure that this is the “right” platform for this post (who decides what’s right aaanyway?)… Because this is our business website and I should keep it professional and such… That’s what I imagine somebody would say to me. Well, if that’s the case, I’m sorry but I’m not sorry. I’m just human, dude. And Jeeesus, do I LOVE what we do. And I want to keep doing it for as long as I love it, which I foresee being a long time…
Also, this was just one morning and one snippet in time. While it is a mess more often than just that, it’s also really wonderful and rewarding more of the time, and believe me, I do focus on those positives!
I guess I’m just doing my best to embrace the journey. Every wonderful, inspiring, challenging, frustrating and messy part. And I hope that someone reading this who feels the same way… knows that it’s really okay. We all lose it sometimes & it’s okay for the rest of the world to know.